What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
