it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
