I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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