hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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