I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
