So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
