No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
