I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
