ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
