Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
