Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
