This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
