Where is the hickey?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
