I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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