Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
