He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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