Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
