yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
