How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
