I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
