Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
