sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
