I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
