Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
