well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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