what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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