I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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