so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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