he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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