I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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