We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
