I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
