Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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