u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she smelled like a LAN party
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
