Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
As shirtless as possible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
false alarm, still single
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
