my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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