I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
