If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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