why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
