I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
