You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
