i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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