I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
