why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
