we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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