Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
