last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
