I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
