I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
