He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
