paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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