I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
