And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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