i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
