I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
