I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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