Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
