i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
